I have had the sinking reality of school loans set in. It involved tears and screaming at the top of my lungs (more like a very disturbing roar with a lot of spit flying everywhere and a little dog running away from me for dear life). Maybe that was a break down. I still work at a “quick service” cafe and  drive a borrowed car from my parents. I now live with my sister, and am trying to save up some money to move to Santa Cruz in October. After I get married. My fiance, Josh, lives down there, which menas we have the joy of sustaining and growing a long distance relationship in the midst of planning a wedding here. I just found my wedding dress, and really, am not too excited about it. Don’t ask me why. I think it’s becasue “they” (Hollywood, wedding magazines–which deserve a blog entry in and of themselves) always hype it up, like finding a wedding dress is the holy grail, your wedding planning climax. It’s not. It’s another thing to check of the list, quite frankly.

It is a lonely process, wedding planning. It can be lonely when your fiance lives hundreds of miles away, and it is challenging just planning a reading date on the phone. We aren’t doing (prepare yourself, Christian community) premarital counseling, so we are reading Sacred Marriage over the phone together instead. Or at least we are about to. And well, marriage counseling once we live in the same town will be in order.

It is hard to remember what it is like to hang out for a day with each other, what it is like to “do life” together–study, worship, socialize, rest, work, eat, fight, love, cry, laugh.

But, we are doing it. It is tough. It is tough knowing what to do about birth control (which I think deserves its own school on ethics, thought and philosophy), let alone which tie to buy for him when I don’t even know what his suit looks like. It is hard to register when we can’t just meet up one day and go to the store. We are getting married in less than three months, I am moving to a new state, will be going to a new church and will be eagerly looking for a  job. (Eh-hem. Anyone?) It’s just strange, all this planning and waiting.

I miss my seminary community. I miss New Wine meetings, and the smell of the entrance of Travis Lovett when the sun has been baking in and it’s this weird little pressurized oven between the first set of doors and the second. I miss rushing to get coffee during lecture breaks, and I miss that adrenaline rush when I am about to finally finally, by the grace of God, finish a paper.

And now, my mind is filled with the wonderous waiting. Waiting to get married, pack, move, make new friends, start a new community, find the best coffee shops and running trails, and leave. Leave a city that is my home. A city that never ever bores me, and never fails to feed me new food (hello food carts! Is it just me or are they multiplying by the dozens every week?), give me the best cup of coffee ever and surround me with beautiful flowers, trees, rain and sun.

So, I guess I am just checking in. I know that it is summer. Finally. Sort of. At least it was two days ago. But life is strange, and I just had a tearful conversation last night with Josh that went something like this, “by the time we are able to maybe, barely afford to have a kid, will we be too old, anyway?” I never thought I would face the reality that, as Josh puts it, “kids just may not be in the cards for us”. I am trusting and praying they are. Honestly, I cannot conceive (no pun intended) of not ever being a mom, but it is so strange to even have to consider that (!)

So, there you have it. Thoughts from an engaged, recently graduated Seminarian with a heap of debt and giant, bulging files of class notes to show for it. The only way to find joy in all of this, I am proved over and over again, is to really, truly press in to the loving arms of the one who is masterfully, carefully, and intentionally  behind and in all of this. So glad it’s not all on my shoulders.

Do you think it is ok (or possible) to be a consumer about your next church selection but not necessarily be a consumer about the gospel (picking and choosing what you desire most)?  How do you think online reviews for churches affect the gospel that is being preached in these churches vying for a 4 star rating? Bottom line: What are the implications of this?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125394718&sc=emaf

i am a little church (no great cathedral)

Wallis urged us to re-consider the concept of common grounds: sharing space and ownership and re-establishing what he termed, the “new old values”—values such as “enough is enough”, and drawing from the Native American value of measuring the impact we have today by the impact it will have seven generations from now. He challenged us to ask, “how will this crisis change us”, rather than, “when will this crisis end?”

This said economic crisis could be, if we are wise, humble and teachable, an opportunity. Yet if we close our hearts, imaginations and minds, it could be a long-term disaster, only to be repeated years later. I’m not going to pretend I am a financial or economic expert. I am a 28-year old who has been in school pretty much my whole life, and am currently living off a part-time job and school loans. My experience of the housing market is writing a rent check every month. That said, all this talk about the financial crisis makes me feel a bit oblivious. However, I do know that this crisis, regardless how much one understands the technicalities, must wake us—me–up in some capacity. As Wallis challenged, what do we do when the “invisible hand” lets go? This is a brilliant time when, as Christ followers, we have the opportunity to stand apart and offer our communities another way.

As Christians, the way we “do business”, the way we invest, what we invest in, and how we invest (be it our time, energy, money, resources, relationships) must reflect kingdom values. These values are those of solidarity, community, unity, self-sacrifice and humility—values that are sadly the opposite of what too many Christians are currently operating under in our country. I wholeheartedly believe that we must do everything with intention, because whether we realize it or not, everything we do sends a message and affects our community. We must be aware of this. Rather than looking out for our own best interest, how would our economy look today if we first looked out for the interest of the other? And isn’t that a Biblical mandate anyway?

As Wallis put well: instead of keeping up with the Jones’, we should check and see if the Jones’ are ok. This is what both Wallis and our upcoming conference on April 10^th address: building community not on hand outs, charity, or quick fixes, but on costly relationships and kingdom values in which both the poor and the rich need and empower one another in Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8amMCVAJQ

It’s a clip of Sir Ken Robinson, an “internationally recognized leader in the development of creativity, innovation and human resources”. He claims that we get educated out of our creative capacity, and that  ”if we’re not prepared to be wrong, we will never come up with anything original.” Very interesting.

There are more clips of him on U Tube if you are interested.

What do you think about what he has to say as it relates to us being made in the image of an infinitely creative God?

Why do you think creativity is more and more being pushed out or undermined in our society and educational systems if it is indeed part of our core identity?

It’s from “Collision” a documentary which follows an atheist and theologian as they debate whether Christianity is good for the world.  What do you think about this clip?

It made me think about a conversation I recently had with my dear friend and former New Wine intern, Crystal. We were talking about how dangerous love is—yet it’s something that we all pine for. Odd, isn’t it? Love is the very thing that breaks us down, ruins us, and makes us crazy, pathetic, annoying, delirious and sometimes a bit awkward. We lose our common sense. We forget or misplace our priorities. (I mean, I never do that. But I hear it happens.) We go BLIND over this creepy thing called love. Yet we all want it, and when we get it, we are so “in love” that when the person we love hurts us, we are shocked. Dismayed. Beside ourselves. Our guard was down because, well, we were in love, silly.

Are we all masochists? We are then so surprised that that this beautiful, irresistible love hurt us and we become broken, scarred, terrified.

The crazy thing is, we all love imperfectly. Yet love in this world is not only absolutely necessary and the glue that holds humanity together, but it is also the glue that sticks to our fingers, peels our skin off, and makes us go mad. It’s also a force that, when mismanaged, can turn ugly. It is crazy to me to think that the only love that is perfect and full is our Creator’s love. And this love still sometimes hurts, sometimes shocks, and sometimes hides from us. But it’s the most perfect love we will ever experience. It’s also the perfect love that we must learn from and imitate. God loves recklessly. How are we allowing love to manifest and truly be fostered in our lives?

Loving cautiously to me, is scared, untrusting love. It’s rancid love. I want to step out in faith on love a bit better. I want to know what it’s like to truly love my co-worker who can never seem to utter one positive thing about anyone, bless my roommate who can never seem to grasp that beautiful step of moving the dishes from sink to dishwasher, extend a helping hand to my overwhelmed colleague who, quite frankly, is in way over her head (no, I’m not talking about you) and awkwardly build a relationship with someone who is so different from me I don’t even know where to begin. But again, that requires stepping outside of myself and trusting that love truly does cover a multitude of sins.  I guess my question is, do we really believe this enough to risk allowing this sort of crazy love into our own lives? Or are we trusting more in our own fears, wounds and pride that we are depriving ourselves from experiencing this deep, reconciling love?

Call + Response has been out for a while, but alas, I just watched it. And go figure, I am inspired. First of all it is inspiring to see individuals who are giving their lives, their voices, their careers, their talents, to abolishing modern day slavery.  I realize I need to fight that voice in my head that says it can’t be done, because it CAN be done. Slavery has been abolished before, we can do it again, and this time with the help of much more resources. I am sold: I do believe that this is a 21st century challenge to an age old problem that we all are faced with and called to respond to. We are responsible. 

We must do what we can with what we have. And what we have is… a lot.

We have our voice, resources, education, talents, gifts, consumer power, the wisdom of God, the power of the Holy Spirit and community. Slavery was abolished before because of concerted effort and solidarity. It can and will happen again in the same way.

But I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that I will forget the hopelessness in their voices 

and the emptiness in their eyes.

I’m afraid I will forget the anguish I felt for them.

I’m afraid that the empowered voice in my head that said “Yes! I must do something. I can liberate these people!” will fade away.

But what if we don’t let it fade away.

What if we encouraged one another to 

consider the challenge 

to fight for another’s freedom

to fight for another’s laughter and song

to fight for another’s dignity.

What if “holding each other accountable” took on a whole other level?

What if we followed the ramifications of our actions to the ends of the earth (rather than foolishly thinking they stop at us)

and what if we saw the tremendous power we have as consumers, decision makers, social changers?

What if we harnessed this power and freed the oppressed 

to sing the better song of freedom.

I’m afraid I will forget the way I felt sitting there, looking at the faces of God’s beautiful creation–

tormented and broken–

wanting so badly to break into their lives and bring them hope and liberation,

to rescue them from their hell and lead them outside,

so they can look up at the endless sky

simply because

now they can.

I fear that the blatant corruption and evil I saw will be overshadowed,

that the moving music, impassioned calls, fiery convictions

will be subsumed by 

a stressful paper to write

a job to find

a family member I must call

a traffic jam I must endure.

And I will forget

the 27 million (individuals with names, fears, hopes, desires, just like us)

who know no freedom

of writing a paper

searching for a job

talking with family

battling traffic

And beyond this, they don’t even know how

to read or write,

express themselves or laugh.

They don’t 

even know how

to smile.

Again, I am pleading with my self, with my flesh in all its funk, with my community

with you

to cry with them

and to fight for them.

I fear I will move on and say one day,

Yes, I saw that movie.

Yes, I knew there were 27 million oppressed, enslaved individuals (each created and loved passionately by a God who knows them by name and calls us to love and liberate them)

and…no

I didn’t respond

because I had a paper to write

a phone call to make. 

And besides, what can one person do?

That, my friends, is the voice of an oppressor.

And I fear that in all my shock and paralysis, I will only succumb to being

yet another slave trader

out of cowardice and disconnect.

Like Ashley Judd said (something to the effect of), ” I don’t want my purchases to be another’s torture, my  freedom to be another’s slavery.”

“And now let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds.”  Hebrews 10:24

Solidarity + Action = Call + Response

Addendum:

It starts somewhere, and somewhere is all it takes. No action is too small.

In my humble opinion, these are the 4 first main steps we can take:

1) Become a conscious consumer. I am convinced that this is the first most tangible, immediate, powerful step. Know who you are oppressing. Know who you are empowering. Live, love, shop and eat intentionally. It does make a difference.  ”What you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.” (Gandhi)

2) Identify your strength. What are you good at? Do that. God intentionally gave us different gifts and I believe he desires us to use this to love and liberate the world. Making a musical documentary (a “rockumentary” if you will) was creative and beautifully harnessed the power of music for a greater cause. Those people used their strengths. If organizing is your “thing”, then organize an event to have a group or community write their senator requesting him/her to address slavery. 

3) Pray– for wisdom, vision, courage, for the slaves and slave traders

4) visit  http://www.callandresponse.com/responsinator3.asp

 Ron’s vision came in to fruition because of the help and support of churches and people in the area. This is a testimony to the power of community. It is amazing to me what can be accomplished when visions are shared and callings are fearlessly pursued. But this was only possible because Ron’s vision and calling was supported within the context of community. He shared his burden with others, and this was like oxygen to his dream. 

Rachel and Ronaldo shared their testimony regarding what New Wine has been and continues to be for them. It is refreshing to hear two totally different testimonies that both attest to the power of building relationships, and the transforming power of engaging culture with a loving, compassionate Christ, who deeply desires to have a deep, dynamic relationship with everyone. Realizing that our calling is to bear witness to this relational, compassionate God is powerful.

The night went well and I am excited for the opportunity we had to share what New Wine is about, and to, like Ron, invite others to catch the vision of living out the redemptive power of Christ in this broken world.

So what role does culture play? Is the gospel a part of–or apart from– culture?  I don’t want the gospel to be some abstract idea that I dance around, or am studying so closely that I miss the gospel for the theologies. (Get it…?) I want it, essentially, to be evident in and through my life. Ideally, our lives should paint a picture of the gospel. Do we need to disentangle ourselves from culture in order to embrace the gospel? Or do we need to embrace culture in light of the gospel? Does culture reflect the gospel, deflect the gospel, or both?

Thank the good Lord these issues will be addressed and explored on October 18th for the New Wine, New Wineskins Autumn workshop led by Dr. Metzger and Dr. Harper, as well as at the New Wine Benefit Dinner on November 6th. This is what New Wine is about: getting to the heart of these issues, and wrestling with how to live this gospel out in tangible, contextual ways. We comprise culture. And hopefully our lives, in community, exhibit Christ. So how do the two- gospel and culture- work together for his glory? In my opinion, that’s when it gets good. These are not simple questions. And, because the gospel is so profound and beautiful, it doesn’t not warrant a quick, simple answer. This would only limit Christ’s love, and show a lacking gospel.

The gospel is good news. But how do we show that to, for instance, a co-worker who is “just fine, thank-you-very-much”? What is so compelling about the gospel? Are we fanning the flame of this little light of ours, by engaging culture and issues (which, essentially is people) or are we cupping it with our hands, fearful that this light might wake up the neighbors, or be extinguished by the issues of today?

The workshop will provide an excellent time to explore these questions, but until then, what do you think? What is the gospel to you, and what relationship do you think gospel has, or should have, with culture?